By R.L. Stollar, HA Community Coordinator
Growing up evangelical, I listened to a lot of Contemporary Christian Music (CCM). I never understood the whole “rock music causes demons to eat your brain” mentality. But I did understand — to some extent — their point that Christian rock music was just normal rock music with “Jesus” pasted on top. To my friends and I, that wasn’t actually an intelligent critique. It was more a joke, something we all laughed about.
Fact is, my peers and I often thought it was funny that many CCM songs appeared to be sexy romance songs where the “you” was just capitalized so it suddenly was about Jesus rather than a hot piece of man-flesh. And some CCM bands — Skillet, most of all — have lyrics that are so spiritually kinky, even actual kinksters might blush.
So to honor this humorous memory of CCM’s steamy lyricism, I decided to create a quiz where you must identify whether certain phrases are lines from the bestselling erotic BDSM novel 50 Shades of Grey by E.L. James or lyrics from Contemporary Christian Music songs. So pull out a pen and paper and keep track of your answers; an answer key is provided after the quiz.
Make sure you don’t cheat. God is watching you. As Phil Joel says about God, “He’s gonna keep the night light on. He’s waiting there to receive you.”
Or was that something Anastasia Steele wrote in her diary about Christian Grey?
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1. Which of the following is a lyric from a Newsboys song?
a. Giving it over, I was flat on my back.
b. I come instantly.
2. Which use of “hand” is from 50 Shades of Grey and not a CCM song?
a. You gentle your hand…
b. Gushing with surrender in your hands…
c. My hands are open, so take what you see…
3. Three of the following four lines are from Skillet songs. Which one is from 50 Shades of Grey?
a. Stretch me bigger….
b. An empty vessel to be filled at your whim…
c. I’m exploding like chemicals. I’m going crazy — can’t get enough!
d. It’s so urgent. It’s so desperate I can feel it in my bones.
4. One of these four is dirty talk. The other three are DC Talk. Which one is dirty?
a. You consume me like a burning flame.
b. Anytime, anyplace.
c. I am calling out your name.
d. Oh, you know that I surrender.
5. Which “you” is from a Sonicflood praise song? (The other two are about sex.)
a. God, I want you
b. I want to touch you.
c. I am in awe of you.
6. Can you figure out which is neither Rebecca St. James nor Audio Adrenaline?
a. Here I am. I will do as you say.
b. You’re pinning me to the wall.
c. I’m enslaved to what you say.
7. Different people handle pain differently. Which one is the 50 Shades of Grey way?
a. How can I scream when the pain is such a release?
b. The pain is such that I refuse to acknowledge it.
c. I do not deserve to be set free.
8. Once you experience something you really like, you usually want more. Which wanting more is not about God?
a. We’re going all the way.
b. I’ve never wanted more, until I met you.
c. I’ll be chasing you.
d. I wanna do it soon.
9. Which romantic exclamation is not about Jesus?
a. When I’m in your arms is when I feel the best.
b. My heart beats for you.
c. I want my world to start and end with you.
d. I can feel your power surging through the whole of me.
10. One of these is about a BDSM master/slave relationship. The other three are from Christian music.
a. Capture me, make me a slave.
b. I’m struggling to resist, but I’m drawn.
c. If I could only be your master.
d. You can have everything I am.
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Answer Key
******
1. Which of the following is a lyric from a Newsboys song?
a. Giving it over, I was flat on my back. – Newsboys, “Giving It Over”
b. I come instantly. – 50 Shades of Grey
2. Which use of “hand” is from 50 Shades of Grey and not a CCM song?
a. You gentle your hand… – 50 Shades of Grey
b. Gushing with surrender in your hands… – Skillet, “Suspended In You”
c. My hands are open, so take what you see… – Smalltown Poets, “I’ll Give”
3. Three of the following four lines are from Skillet songs. Which one is from 50 Shades of Grey?
a. Stretch me bigger…. – Skillet, “Suspended In You”
b. An empty vessel to be filled at your whim… – 50 Shades of Grey
c. I’m exploding like chemicals. I’m going crazy — can’t get enough! – Skillet, “My Obsession”
d. It’s so urgent. It’s so desperate I can feel it in my bones. – Skillet, “Kill Me Heal Me”
4. One of these four is dirty talk. The other three are DC Talk. Which one isn’t DC?
a. You consume me like a burning flame. – DC Talk, “Consume Me”
b. Anytime, anyplace. – DC Talk, “Consume Me”
c. I am calling out your name. – 50 Shades of Grey
d. Oh, you know that I surrender. – DC Talk, “Consume Me”
5. Which “you” is from a Sonicflood praise song? The other two are about sex.
a. God, I want you – 50 Shades of Grey
b. I want to touch you. – Sonicflood, “I Want To Know You”
c. I am in awe of you. – 50 Shades of Grey
6. Can you figure out which is neither Rebecca St. James nor Audio Adrenaline?
a. Here I am. I will do as you say. – Rebecca St. James, “Here I Am”
b. You’re pinning me to the wall. – 50 Shades of Grey
c. I’m enslaved to what you say. – Audio Adrenaline, “Some Kind of Zombie”
7. Different people handle pain differently. Which one is the 50 Shades of Grey way?
a. How can I scream when the pain is such a release? – Skillet, “Kill Me Heal Me”
b. The pain is such that I refuse to acknowledge it. – 50 Shades of Grey
c. I do not deserve to be set free. – Grammatrain, “Pain”
8. Once you experience something you really like, you usually want more. Which wanting more is not about God?
a. We’re going all the way. – Delirious?, “Deeper”
b. I’ve never wanted more, until I met you. – 50 Shades of Grey
c. I’ll be chasing you. – Newsboys, “Beautiful Sound”
d. I wanna do it soon. – Seven Day Jesus, “Butterfly”
9. Which romantic exclamation is not about Jesus?
a. When I’m in your arms is when I feel the best. – Skillet, “Safe With You”
b. My heart beats for you. – Jars of Clay, “Love Song for a Savior”
c. I want my world to start and end with you. – 50 Shades of Grey
d. I can feel your power surging through the whole of me. – DC Talk, “Supernatural”
10. One of these is about a BDSM master/slave relationship. The other three are from Christian music.
a. Capture me, make me a slave. – Skillet, “Take”
b. I’m struggling to resist, but I’m drawn. – 50 Shades of Grey
c. If I could only be your master. – Grammatrain, “Sick Of Will”
d. You can have everything I am. – Audio Adrenaline, “Hands and Feet”
Homeschoolers Anonymous 
Some CCM bands are anointed, others are appointed.
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Reblogged this on the music Mine and commented:
Christian music is Kinky music? Loook at the quiz
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Reblogged this on Blissful Pages.
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Reblogged this on Slightly Angry and commented:
Dude.
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Anyone with a perverted mind could jump to sick conclusions when the subject matter is not in it’s original context, and when it is suggested that it corresponds with something like fifty shades of grey.
Granted, it seems many bands that claim they are “Christian” are just rock star wanna be’s that couldn’t make the cut.
Again, it comes down to context, and whether or not you’re a sick pervert.
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I’ve heard my pastor say that anything is allowed in a two person, consensual, loving “marriage”. Lots of Christian couples like BDSM. They have safe words and everything. Doesn’t make them perverted. According to my pastor. Lol
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I love this! I’ve made points of the similarities of God and an abusive relationship, but this is just genius.
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I feel the need to clarify that BDSM relationships, when done correctly, are not abusive. It is all consensual.
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Reblogged this on twitchthisbitch's Blog and commented:
These are great
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Too funny!
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Reblogged this on love | God. People. and commented:
I’m not Christian musics biggest fan. I love most worship songs but the monotony of the Christian songwriting formula drives me insane. Not to mention that of all the movement in the last 15 years to be seeker friendly, Christian music is the absolute least progressive. So when I stumbled on this I quite literally LOLed! My husband and I took the quiz together… It was fun. We were wrong! Have fun and a few laughs!
LG|LP
❤ Tiff
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May I recommend Christian music out on edge of culture. I most readily suggest anything by the Choir, Daniel Amos, the Seventy-Sevens, Adam Again, Undercover, and, of course, the Lost Dogs
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I will totally check them out…thanks for the suggestions!
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I will definitely check them out…. thanks for the suggestions!
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This article just shows the importance of context, something it removed from the lyrics. Also, the loss of innocence that has been replaced by perverted thinking and general acceptance of a culture sick with moral depravity.
This is not to say that they’re aren’t wanna be rock stars that couldn’t make the cut in the secular genres, and so now they are masquerading as a “Christian” band and re-branding their songs.
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No, the context is not removed. It is very clear that some of the lyrics are in the context of a BDSM relationship and some are in the context of a relationship to God. It’s the similarities between the two that are supposed to shock us. And this “moral depravity” you speak of I suppose refers to people who like to feel physical pain for their own sexual gratification (and hopefully in a context where they have safeguards in place to protect them from real, permanent physical harm). But I suppose you would consider it totally morally acceptable for people to be told that they must totally surrender their physical AND emotional selves to God in a way that pretty much everyone would consider abusive it were in the context of any other relationship. What is truly “perverted” is the idea that God requires total self-sacrifice from us or we will be tortured in hell for eternity. But if we all stayed “innocent” as you wistfully wish for, we would never have thought of it like that.
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This is absolutely brilliant! Thanks so much for the laugh 🙂
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I grew up with this shit and it’s still impossible.
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Reblogged this on and commented:
This is way too funny
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I got 4 out of 10.
Interesting
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I can honestly say I was introduced to Skillet via a yaoi themed amv on Youtube, before I knew what Skillet or yaoi was. I thought the song was a theme song to the movie.
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rofl!!!! I got half of them right…
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Reblogged this on Reading Up with the Joneses and commented:
You’re getting more than usual today, I know, but it’s because I’m enjoying my morning at the Jones’ favorite local coffee house. I wasn’t going to post anything else, but really, I COULD NOT RESIST SHARING THIS! Have you read Fifty Shades of Grey? Listened to any Contemporary Christian Music in the past, oh, 15 years? If you answered yes to both, be prepared to quite literally, roll on the floor laughing with this quiz. The people around me now think I’m crazy…sitting in the back corner, hoping no one is reading over my shoulder and trying desperately to contain giggles. Enjoy and Read Up! Let me know what you think!
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Oh, how wonderful was that! Thank you for sharing it, too.
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It’s remarkably easy to tell which ones are from 50 Shades, simply by comparing the quality of imagery. EL James isn’t the most imaginative person…
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Hysterical!
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A good deal of them seemed tame-enough to just want more context. But I think the pictures were worth a thousand lyric-bits.
And I wonder how much of the book was toned-down to make it more agreeable.
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This made my day better.
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There are SO MANY free quiz-making sites, and the best you have is this?
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not sure which was funnier- reading this or knowing that someone took the time to research it. Probably the latter gives more meta-lulz.
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I got about 2/3 correct, but that’s because I still listen to a lot of Skillet and every now and then DC Talk filters through my playlists. (also, I pay a lot of attention to lyrics, so I remember them well.) I can look at myself and laugh at my choices of what I listened to years ago, and what I choose to listen to today. I dislike a lot of secular music because it is so shallow. (I also dislike most of CCM for the same reason.) One of the reasons, at least IMHO, that 50 shades has the appeal it does is because of the intensity of the emotions expressed in it. There is a place of intense worship that does trump sex, and some of the lyrics above describe that.
We rightly condemn as abusive and subjugating any human who seeks to take the role of God in another’s life. One’s relationship with his/her Maker can definitely be an all consuming, violently passionate relationship, in which the person is powerless and acknowledges God’s real and present sovereignty… and relishes it. That is very beautiful. What is described in 50 shades of grey is wrong because it places this relationship between two humans. No human has the right to take that role in another’s life.
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How about you listen to the whole songs and dont take it out of context. If you guys had any brains in you, you would realize this guy doesnt even know what he is talking about. If you wanna call me out about it, 8046779079
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In a odd sort of way, Contemporary Christian music helped the religious right, why CCM was started by Calvary Chapel of Costa Mesa and big megachurches like Saddleback use it. In fact most baby boomers and generation x would not have in the the religious right it was not for Contemporary Christian music.since they disliked organ or Piano music. I become involed with the religous right as a young person because of the cool music at Calvary Chapel of Costa Mesa.
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Loved this! Fabulous! I knew almost every song…
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Story of O is a much better read. Than either book.
If you’re more traditional, Victorian England gave us the playful, rapey delight, The Ways of a Man With a Maid. Mom gifted me her copy for Christmas my 13th year while we were baking pies for the homeless shelter. I’ll always remember her saying, “Darling, set your imagination free, and remember, always, always show respect to real people, as you would expect to be respected.”
That 50 Shades is a mess. It most closely resembles the most conventional, mainstream, codependent and dysfunctional relationship, with a playroom tacked on top of it. If Christian Gray didn’t have a knack for business, he’d be a pastor. He’s that bent. Real kinksters are all about communication and respect and nothing like that dreck.
Not to mention joy. We know full-throated, unrestrained, unlimited joy. Which, I know, is not for everyone.
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Very good post…..Thanks for sharing it…
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