Pseudonym note: The author’s name has been changed to ensure anonymity. “Starshine” is a pseudonym.
The war that our parents waged was not just on our selfhood or security or sexuality—it was on our biology. Things we couldn’t change; physical survival and reproduction patterns that couldn’t be completely or permanently killed unless we died too.
We fought—some internally, some externally. Some broke. We’re still trying to find pieces of ourselves, pieces that our parents beat or rejected or threw away. Some we will find. Others seem gone forever.
But ultimately our parents failed. We are not what they planned for us to be. Our biology reacted and protected ourselves once we could and once we knew we could. They didn’t win, even if we carry evidence of their war for the rest of our lives.
We won. And we are free forever.
Wow, for one of the shorter posts this is very deep.
I know that PTSD is your brain’s way of protecting you from situations that trigger you, but it goes much deeper than that.
Not only are our scars there because of our upbringing, but they bear witness to the fact that we were designed to survive all manner of torture and horror perpetrated on us.
I weep for the hundreds who were not allowed to survive, Whose bodies were starved and beaten until they were unable to sustain themselves and more, and died like the soul that once inhabited them. RIP: Hana Alemu and Lydia Shatz, et all