child abuse – Page 6 – Homeschoolers Anonymous

“He Couldn’t Breathe”: Old Schoolhouse Owners Accused of Waterboarding, Child Abuse

October 17, 2014May 11, 2020HA Editorial Team11 Comments

This story is a modified version of a previous piece written by Hännah Ettinger (Wine & Marble) and R.L. Stollar (Homeschoolers Anonymous) on October 8, 2014.

Eric Novak grew up in Christian homeschooling circles.

He was employed from 2008-2011 by Paul and Gena Suarez, founders of The Old Schoolhouse (TOS) magazine, which boasts a readership of around 200,000. Paul and Gena speak at homeschool conventions and are seen within the homeschool community as advocates for the homeschool lifestyle. The Suarezes’ main business, TOS, is endorsed by the Great Homeschool Conventions and James Dobson as well as financially sponsored by HSLDA, the Home School Legal Defense Association.

TOS has a long history of adoration for and promotion of Michael and Debi Pearl’s No Greater Joy ministry. In 2005 TOS’s devotional editor Deborah Wuehler interviewed a member of the Pearl family for TOS, in which she wrote the Pearls were “the pioneers of homeschooling in the early 1970s” who “helped countless numbers of parents with their child training questions.” A year later the Suarezes “team[ed] up” with Michael and Debi Pearl in 2006 for a Christian homeschool conference in Germany. TOS even went so far as to give away free copies of the Pearls’ book To Train Up a Child in their “welcome packages” to new homeschoolers. After the death of homeschool kid Sean Paddock, whose mother used the Pearls’ recommended plumbing supply line for corporal punishment, Gena Suarez callously defended the Pearls, saying, “The only way you can kill a child with that is by shoving it down his throat.”

This, as well as other acts of promotion of the Pearls’ “child abuse materials,” led to a boycott of TOS in 2006 by gentle parenting bloggers.

During Novak’s time as an employee of TOS (and later, as he became a close friend to the Suarezes’ oldest son), he discovered that the Suarez and Igarashi families (the mothers of both families are sisters) are embroiled in an intense feud over physical and sexual abuse that has allegedly occurred in the family.

What Eric Novak learned about the Suarez family involved alleged physical abuse of their children as well as alleged sexual abuse within the family. According to various accounts, the Suarezes 22-year-old son, Luke, sexually abused two of his younger siblings and his young cousin, the son of Jenefer Igarashi. Luke currently has continued access to his siblings, as he lives at home with his parents. He is regularly in contact with children in the homeschool community, thanks to his family’s business. According to Novak, the Suarezes often get put up in the homes of other homeschool families when they travel. Novak relates:

“They continued going to conventions and such, and I know that for a fact that at conventions, they’ll like stay with homeschool families, and he’ll like, sleep in the younger kids’ rooms. And that’s what I’m most concerned about.”

The physical abuse allegations involve the abuse of all of the Suarez children, as well Gena’s youngest sister, “Megan.”

When Gena’s mom died, Paul and Gena took in Megan, Gena’s third sister. Megan was 13 years old and Gena was around 26. Megan claims that once she joined their family, Gena turned into a fairy-tale worthy evil surrogate mother, turning Megan into a servant and depending on her for her primary childcare support. It got to the point where even the neighbors jokingly called Megan “Cinderella,” according to a written statement by Megan (given to us by Eric Novak):

Even friends and neighbors of Gena and Paul would refer to me as “Cinderella.” It was evident to all who knew us what my role in the family was: babysitter, house cleaner and servant… and physically or mentally abused (instead of properly disciplined), when I would act childish or foolish. …I was left in charge and instructed to care for and discipline the younger children in the home – even told to strike them in the face when ‘disobedient’ or ‘disrespectful’ (they’d give me ‘slapping privileges’), which still haunts me today.

Megan alleges that the Suarezes didn’t just use her for free labor. She says they physically abused her and their other children and claimed that the abuse was God’s will. It seems like they employed the Pearls’ “will-breaking” methods quite studiously. This is also from Megan’s written statement:

I witnessed and was a victim of physical and mental abuse while in the home. I watched Gena as she would strip her youngest son down (around 4 yrs old), put him in the bathtub and run cold water over his face so that he couldn’t breathe. They would have their second oldest son strip down naked and repeatedly douse him with cold water. Gena would brag that she “finally found a punishment that would get them to obey”. She would also have her children stand in the corner so long they were forced to wet their pants. I also remember seeing her boys be made to ‘make up from a fight’ by inappropriately kissing various parts of each other’s body to the point of everyone in the room feeling awkward and uncomfortable… except for Gena, who would laugh… Remembering back on these things makes me sick almost to the point of throwing up.

…Close to the time I finally fled, it had gotten to the point that I didn’t want to live anymore. I would fantasize about dying. I couldn’t please them no matter how hard I tried. I was literally a slave in the home and punished as such when I couldn’t meet their impossible standards. What hurt the most after I fled was knowing the abuse that would continue in the lives of the children.

After Megan escaped, she found support in her other older sister, Jenefer Igarashi, and has thrived. She is now married and mentors in her community and is herself a homeschool mom. She remains a devout Christian.

For his part, Novak has decided to speak up about the allegations he learned about. He created a video explaining why he decided to speak up about the allegations against the Suarezes and his former employer The Old Schoolhouse. He also wrote an open letter to Heidi St. John, a popular homeschool speaker for the Great Homeschool Conventions, who is alleged to have participated in covering up these situations of abuse.

Other parties alleged to be involved include the National Center for Life and Liberty’s David Gibbs III, HSLDA president Michael Smith, and the Great Homeschool Conventions’ Brennan Dean.

For the full story about the allegations of the Old Schoolhouse cover-up, see HA’s original news piece here.

Hurts Me More Than You: David M. Schell’s Story

October 16, 2014May 11, 2020HA Editorial Team3 Comments

*****

Trigger warning for Hurts Me More Than You series: posts in this series may include detailed descriptions of corporal punishment and physical abuse and violence towards children.

*****

David M. Schell’s Story

HA note: The following is reprinted with permission from David M. Schell’s blog. It was originally published on October 10, 2014.

I got spanked a lot growing up. Sometimes once a day, sometimes more often.

Spanking was a legacy handed down by grandparents on both sides. My grandfather used a belt on my dad and his eleven siblings. My paternal grandmother used whatever was handy. “We learned not to irritate her while she was ironing,” my dad would joke.

He was determined to be different until he realized “At least my dad got respect.” He took up corporal punishment. I think he went with a board instead of the rod prescribed by Proverbs because it seemed to be in the spirit of the law and more merciful.

I remember my dad asking my mom when it was appropriate to start spanking my younger siblings. He decided as soon as a child was old enough to say no, they were old enough to spank for their rebellion, which was as the sin of witchcraft. I think some of my siblings got their first spanking before they were two years old.

Disobedience of any kind was always rebranded as “rebellion” and was a spankable offense. Worse, he taught us that any time we disobeyed him, it was disobedience to God, because children obey your parents in the Lord for this is right. Disobedience to him was rebellion against God. He added that “To delay is to disobey,” so failure to obey immediately was also disobedience, and also therefore sin.

I was immensely frustrated and angry when I realized that my dad could turn anything into a sin simply by forbidding it, and he often did. He could make failure to do anything a sin, simply by telling me to do it. This realization made me feel helpless.

Like many kids, we had chores. My dad inspected each chore, every night. Those who completed their chores to his satisfaction were given a bedtime snack. Those who failed to complete them to his satisfaction were not given a snack, but instead spanked.

He often said, “I spank extra-hard for lying” to remind us that lying to get out of trouble would get us into more trouble, so we might as well tell the truth and take the spanking.

If we got into fights in which someone got hurt, the offending party was spanked.

When we got in trouble at church (maybe for talking out of turn; I don’t even remember), he would use a plastic coat hanger. Coat hangers were the worst, so we were more careful to behave at church.

At church he would be more cautious to hide the “discipline,” warning us that the government didn’t believe in the Bible and might take us away from our parents if we were caught. Not only were we the victims, but we were forced to collaborate, because nothing seemed worse at that age than being ripped away from our family.

My dad didn’t limit his sources of child-rearing advice to sacred scripture.

He also took disciplinary advice from the communists in a book he read to us called Tortured for his Faith. It was about Haralan Popov, a Bulgarian Christian who spent over a decade in prisons on charges of treason. It wasn’t completely unlike a horror story. In one episode, the communists, trying to break Popov, forced him to stand against a white wall for days on end, hitting him when he shut his eyes.

Shortly after reading this book, my dad instituted a new consequence for talking out of turn during our nightly hour-long “Bible Story:” Stand up until he was satisfied we had learned our lesson. I found myself standing during “Bible Story” every night after this.

When I got angry and blew up about something, my dad would assign me to find verses from Proverbs about anger and copy them in good handwriting. It took me years to re-learn how to be angry, and longer to learn how to have a healthy level of anger.

I don’t doubt that he had good intentions. He was then, and is now, “trying to do what is pleasing to the Lord.” The difference between then and now is that my siblings, my mom, and I have grown up and moved out, and now there’s nobody left for him to hurt in his attempts to please the Lord.

I think most adults look back fondly on their childhood and wish they could go back. I don’t. I don’t miss always dreading my dad coming home from work. I don’t miss hour-long sessions of my dad reading the Bible and making points, and having to stand up because my brain was wired directly to my mouth. I don’t miss my dad’s arbitrary rules having more power and authority then any of the rules in the Bible except “Children obey your parents.” I don’t miss having to copy verses about anger from Proverbs.

And I don’t miss being hit every night.

Heidi St. John: Whistleblowers Are “Clever Wordsmiths With Evil Intentions”

October 16, 2014May 11, 2020HA Editorial Team12 Comments

Yesterday HSLDA issued a response regarding its involvement in the Old Schoolhouse abuse cover-up allegations. Today our attention was drawn to a statement allegedly written by Heidi St. John about her involvement.

The statement alleged to be St. John’s was posted on Facebook by Melissa Crabtree (image archived here). Crabtree is Heidi St. John’s virtual assistant. St. John herself has not posted this statement on any of her publicly accessible social media accounts. We have repeatedly attempted to contact St. John — both to verify this statement’s authenticity and to give her the opportunity to comment on our “When Homeschool Leaders Looked Away” piece prior to publication — but she has refused to respond. (Update, 10/18/2014: Heidi St. John has finally confirmed the statement’s authenticity and posted it on her Facebook page.) However, numerous factors indicate the statement is authentic, so we are sharing it here:

Text is:

Statement from Heidi St. John

10/15/14

For more than six months now, a variety of accusations have been swirling within a fringe segment of the homeschool community suggesting that I, along with other respected homeschool leaders, have been involved in a “scandal.”

In a series of increasingly wild allegations, I have been accused of all sorts of terrible things, including causing a homeschool vendor to be disinvited from a homeschool convention.

I did not request anyone be disinvited from a convention. I did not cover up a child abuse scandal. Both of these accusations are completely false.

While the Internet provides a wonderful platform for encouragement and information, I am now learning first-hand that it can also be used to spread false information. It is a place where people of character can have their reputation attacked with little recourse.

Even my blog post has been used against me; proof that words written from a good heart with good intentions can be twisted by a clever wordsmith with evil intentions.

God’s Word is clear:

A tree is known by its fruit.

Assuming this truly is Heidi St. John’s statement, I have two comments:

First: Honestly, I’m not sure who or what St. John is referring to when she says, “For more than six months now, a variety of accusations have been swirling within a fringe segment of the homeschool community suggesting that I, along with other respected homeschool leaders, have been involved in a ‘scandal.'” If she is referring to Eric Novak and Jenefer Igarashi, that certainly is not true. Eric Novak is an outspoken Christian homeschool graduate and former employee of The Old Schoolhouse. And Jenefer Igarashi is a frequent speaker and vendor at Christian homeschool conventions, the sister of Gena Suarez (one of the alleged abusers), and also a former employee of The Old Schoolhouse.

Both Novak and Suarez were and are at the heart of this situation; they are as far from “fringe” as possible.

If St. John is referring to Homeschoolers Anonymous, that also is not true. Our first mention of St. John being aware of the alleged cover-up is the piece we published just last week, “When Homeschool Leaders Looked Away.” We mentioned St. John in passing (to provide context about the Suarez family) in our June piece, “Paul and Gena Suarez, Old Schoolhouse Publishers, Accused of Protecting Known Child Predators,” but we never insinuated her involvement because we were not aware of it at the time.

So if St. John means either Eric Novak, Jenefer Igarashi, or Homeschoolers Anonymous, she is either speaking falsely about the “fringe” part or the “more than six months” part — or both.

Second: St. John claims that, “I did not request anyone be disinvited from a convention. I did not cover up a child abuse scandal. Both of these accusations are completely false.” We have testimony backing up the allegation that she had a hand in getting Jenefer Igarashi blocked from attending the 2014 Ohio Great Homeschool Convention. We also have an email sent to Igarashi from Heidi St. John herself wherein St. John refused to help her. St. John’s email was sent in response to a message from Igarashi, which directly mentioned abuse cover-up. In fact, the subject of the email is “Re: TOS Magazine molestation cover up… advice?”:

Text is:

On Thu, Apr 10, 2014 at 9:49 AM, Jenefer Igarashi [redacted] wrote:Here is the letter that was sent to Mike Smith. It has also been sent to [redacted]. And as I mentioned earlier [redacted] is actually one of the first hand witnesses who gives testimony against the Suarez’s (she witnessed, first-hand, the bullying/intimidation of the Suarez’s when they demanded that Roy Ballard continue being allowed access to family gatherings AFTER a little girl told the adults she had been groped. Roy Ballard was later imprisoned for sex crimes against children) The 20 people named in the group letter are only the tip of the iceberg.

You can see from the time stamp that Igarashi’s email was sent at 9:49 am on April 10, 2014. Less than 2 hours later, on the same day, St. John replied with the following email:

Text is:

From: Heidi St. John [redacted]

Date: Thu, Apr 10, 2014 at 11:15 AM

Subject: Re: letter

To: [redacted], [redacted], “Jay St. John” [redacted]

Jenefer, I asked Mike yesterday about this dispute. … HSLDA will not be getting involved in it.

… We are not central to your grievance and we do not wish to be involved in it. …

This is a huge distraction for us in the middle of the busiest season of the year. We have neither the time nor desire to be part of it. Again, I ask that you honor our request to be removed from your grievance against your sister and her husband.

St. John was clearly aware of the allegations of both the abuse and its cover-up. She also chose to do the opposite of what the blog post she mentions said.

In short, with no “wordsmithing” required: Heidi St. John turned away.

*****

Update, 10:45 am:

Both Eric Novak and Jenefer Igarashi made statements today. Links to them are posted below:

Eric Novak: “HSLDA & Heidi St. John Refuse to Support Victims of Abuse”

Jenefer Igarashi: “Too Hard To Apologize”

HSLDA on Old Schoolhouse Cover-Up: We’re Not “The Police Force of the Homeschooling Movement”

October 15, 2014May 11, 2020HA Editorial Team23 Comments

By R.L. Stollar, HA Community Coordinator

Nearly a week after allegations about a widespread cover-up of physical and sexual child abuse in the Christian homeschooling community were disclosed, the Home School Legal Defense Association has issued a statement on their involvement. The child abuse is alleged to have involved the children and a relative of Paul and Gena Suarez, owners of the popular homeschool magazine The Old Schoolhouse. The mother of one of the alleged victims, Jenefer Igarashi, had repeatedly contacted HSLDA president Michael Smith to ask for his advice and assistance. Smith never responded to Igarashi. Furthermore, according to an email written by Heidi St. John (co-founder of Firmly Planted Co-ops and speaker for the Great Homeschool Conventions), Smith told St. John that, “HSLDA will not be getting involved in it.”

Since the story about the alleged cover-up went public on October 8, numerous individuals have posted on HSLDA’s Facebook page asking for comment. Those comments were met with silence until today.

Today, HSLDA finally responded, copying and pasting a form response to each comment. You can view their response here. An image and the text of the response is below:

Text:

Thank you for sharing your concerns with us. HSLDA does not condone covering up sexual abuse. Sexual abuse is a crime and should always be reported to the police.

In addition, HSLDA does not get involved in conflicts between families or individuals. Professionals trained in mediation and arbitration are better suited than us to resolve civil disputes. Our mission is to protect the homeschooling rights of our member families, not to be the police force of the homeschooling movement.

It is worth repeating that The Old Schoolhouse remains an HSLDA-suggested resource promoted to HSLDA members at a special discounted rate. Furthermore, HSLDA is currently sponsoring The Old Schoolhouse. It is also worth mentioning something Dietrich Bonhoeffer once said:

Other individuals and organizations accused to have known about or played a hand in the alleged cover-up — including Heidi St. John, Brennan Dean from the Great Homeschool Conventions, David Gibbs III from the National Center for Life and Liberty, and The Old Schoolhouse itself — have yet to issue any statements.

World Magazine’s Hypocrisy on Patriarchy and Child Abuse

October 14, 2014May 11, 2020HA Editorial Team2 Comments

HA note: The following is reprinted with permission from Libby Anne’s blog Love Joy Feminism. It was originally published on Patheos on October 13, 2014.

Growing up in an evangelical home, I read World Magazine regularly.

Today, I’m honestly not sure World knows what direction it is headed. Over the past year or so, the publication has been simultaneously distancing itself from the patriarchy movement within Christian homeschooling and promoting that same movement, and simultaneously calling for the self-policing of child abuse in Christian communities and allying itself with organizations actively involved in child abuse coverups.

This past April, in the wake of Lourdes Torres-Mansteufel’s lawsuit against prominent Christian homeschool figure Doug Phillips, World took the occasion to distance itself from the patriarchy movement, differentiating between Phillips’ views and those of more mainstream evangelicalism and stating that: “For evangelicals, these may seem like obvious distinctions, but they’re important to emphasize when a scandal erupts within Christian circles that grabs the attention of those outside the church.” Just last month, World published a piece titled “Drop the Movement and Back Slowly Away.” In it senior writer Janie Cheaney was highly critical of Christian homeschooling’s patriarchy movement, urging readers to focus on Jesus rather than a movement.

Given all of this, it seems a bit odd that World Magazine ran this ad in its latest edition:

The Gen2 Leadership Conference is being put on by Kevin Swanson’s Generations with Vision. Kevin Swanson is a major figure in Christian homeschooling’s patriarchy movement. If World believes this movement’s view of gender and women’s role is in serious theological error, and if World would like to see people “drop the movement and back slowly away,” running this ad—which in a publication like this implies some level of endorsement—represents some serious hypocrisy.

But we’re not done yet. In August, World published an article largely dismissive of concerns about child abuse and neglect in homeschooling circles. Yet in spite of its dismissiveness the article did admit that bad things do sometimes happen, and called for self-policing as the solution.

This makes this recent choice of partnership rather problematic:

As you may remember, earlier this year Great Homeschool Conventions is alleged to have actively participated in a child abuse cover-up, defending child abusers and silencing those seeking to bring the abuse to light. It is rather horrifying that World would partner with a group accused of involvement in covering up child abuse while calling for Christian communities to deal with child abuse rather than turning a blind eye. This is not okay.

It’s also worth noting that Kevin Swanson is on record laughing at child abuse and educational neglect in homeschool settings. Swanson is no reformer when it comes to handling child abuse—he is, rather, the opposite. In fact, Swanson’s dismissal of abuse and neglect is likely the reason the Home School Legal Defense Association pulled out of the Gen2 Leadership Conference this past August. And yet, World is willing to promote Swanson’s conference—a tacit endorsement—in spite of his willingness to laugh at child abuse and neglect.

Of course, World doesn’t have the best track record on this subject themselves. A year ago they published a piece arguing that sexual abuse prevention measures get in the way of loving children as Jesus did. Also last year, the publication minimized horrific child abuse caught on tape at a cult compound in Germany. Just last month World minimized Adrian Peterson’s beating of his young son. The problem here is that World does these things and keeps these associations while claiming to be against the patriarchy movement and in favor of dealing with child abuse.

It’s honestly not that I’m surprised. It’s just that I’m fed up with the hypocrisy of it all.

I would like to see World Magazine held accountable. They should not be able to get away with saying they believe the patriarchy movement is bad theology while simultaneously promoting leaders of that very patriarchy movement, or with saying child abuse should be called out and dealt with while simultaneously partnering with an organization actively involved in covering up child abuse.

WORLD Magazine to Join GHC’s Troubled Group of Fiscal Sponsors

October 13, 2014May 11, 2020HA Editorial Team2 Comments

By R.L. Stollar, HA Community Coordinator

In an email announcement sent out today, Brennan Dean’s Great Homeschool Conventions (GHC) company announced that WORLD News Group (publishers of WORLD Magazine) will be sponsoring “Grand Finale Events at 2015 Conventions.” GHC also added a page on their website that confirms that, “Great Homeschool Conventions is proud to introduce the WORLD News Group as a Presenting Sponsor of The Grand Finale Events of the 2015 Conventions.”

WORLD joins a group of 3 other fiscal sponsors, 2 of which — the Old Schoolhouse and the National Center for Life and Liberty — are alleged to have participated in the covering up of physical and sexual abuse of children.

The Old Schoolhouse’s owners, Paul and Gena Suarez, have been accused of horrific physical abuse of their children, including waterboarding and beatings. And the founder of the National Center for Life and Liberty, David Gibbs III, has been accused of using strong-arm mediation tactics to keep the Suarezes’ relatives from going public about alleged sexual abuse within the family. Brennan Dean and GHC are also accused of being involved by allegedly blocking homeschool speaker Jenefer Igarashi from a convention because of her attempts to make the cover-up public. You can read about those allegations here.

WORLD has made a point as of late to cover abuse within Christian communities, including cases like Bob Jones University, Doug Phillips, and Bill Gothard. It is disappointing, therefore, that WORLD would throw financial support behind GHC while they and their sponsors continue to remain silent about the allegations of their own abuse cover-up.

Four Reasons Why I Believe Cynthia Jeub

October 13, 2014May 11, 2020HA Editorial Team6 Comments

HA note: The following is reprinted with permission from Susan Gabriella Douglas’s blog The Little Fighter That Could. It was originally published on October 12, 2014.

Susan’s disclaimer: the claims made in this article are drawn only from a Christian homeschool background and thus only pertain to similar such circumstances. Because this article responds to information found in this post, it may be useful to view it before resuming.

Cynthia Jeub’s claims of parental abuse on her blog have caused an uncomfortable stir in the Christian homeschooling community and beyond. Some people offer comfort to her and her sister, Lydia, who were both kicked out of their house, while others, obviously less moved by the story, are demanding reasons. Reasons for why Cynthia’s claims are true, and then, even if they are true, reasons why she feels the need to publish them.

This made me angry. I asked myself why an audience so detached felt the need to demand such technical answers of abuse victims like Cynthia. Why wasn’t her word good enough? Interestingly, I was actually able to get a partial answer.

A large portion of the people who hear Cynthia’s story may already know of her family—with sixteen kids, it’s hard not to get some press. And what most people (at least speaking for the Christian homeschool world) have been educated to believe is that the Jeubs are all reputable people up there with names like the Duggers and the Pearls. Consequently, due nearly only to the fact that Cynthia’s parents gave us our first impression of the family, Cynthia’s unexpected claims are now being weighed against a reputation toward which we have already been biased.

It’s been estimated that physical first impressions are made in one-tenth of a second. First impressions are hard to change. But imagine this—the tables turned. What if Cynthia presented to the world everyone’s first impression of her parents as abusive, hypocritical people? How much harder of a time would it be for Mr. Jeub to come along and retrieve his reputation? You see, it’s not a question of credibility as much as it is our subconscious bias. And our bias requires logic to supersede it. Therefore, it cries out, give us reasons.

I do understand this. But I’m also still convinced that there ARE reasons. The reputations of those who came before Cynthia may be uncomfortable to question, but I believe they are worth braving in the name of open-mindedness. After having done this myself, I have even been surprised—with four reasons why I believe Cynthia Jeub.

1) The Jeub’s Response to Cynthia

An article and a podcast were recently put up by Cynthia’s father, Chris Jeub, which were interestingly removed by him days later. While the article was eventually reposted, the podcast is now only available due to the initiative of those who believe, contrary to the podcast’s original intentions, that it supports Cynthia’s case. Here are a few reasons why.

In the article so appropriately entitled Responding to Heartache, Chris makes a bold statement meaning for it to prove that humans respond inadequately in the flesh to heartache. The statement he actually makes, however, gives a very different vibe.

“I envy the abusive parent whose kids never lip off, or the hot-tempered boss whose employees just do as they say, or the fire-breathing pastor who beats their congregation from the pulpit. Everyone seems to behave. I don’t know how they manage it, because I have not had good results with the response of the flesh.”

I do not intend to twist what Chris is saying to mean something it blatantly does not. I believe his train of thought was that this is the wrong attitude to have. He mistakenly assumes, however, that this power-hungry attitude is normal amongst the rest of us. And yet, somehow, I do not envy the abusive parent whose children never speak up for themselves, or the position of a hot-tempered boss whose employees just obey, or the fire-breathing pastor of a seamlessly behaving congregation.

It seems to have slipped Chris’ mind that even in the flesh we shouldn’t wish to be monsters. Certainly our flesh is weak, but a desire for complete and utter authority isn’t assumed, it’s developed. This is an attitude that is not healthy, which—if Chris took abuse seriously, for the crime that it is—he would know not to take lightly.

This is evidently not the case, because the podcast put up in defense of the Jeub’s reputation attempts to make a laughingstock of Cynthia’s first blogpost as four of her siblings attempt to debunk her claims.

It is my personal opinion that the reason the podcast was hastily removed was because it comprised of too much evidence in Cynthia’s favor. Below are the paraphrased alibis the Jeub children provide to disprove the abusive events disclosed by their sister.

“This always happens—this is normal.”
“Mom only hit him because I hit him first and she took my side.”
“He wasn’t bleeding; mom and Micah only gave him a bruise.”
“Mom said she was sorry and she’d never do it again, so it’s irrelevant.”
“I don’t remember this happening but my siblings said it did, and it sounds like abuse—but mom would never abuse us kids. It can’t be abuse.”
“Why wouldn’t mom be upset if she didn’t do the dishes while cleaning and cooking and caring for ten kids? It’s her job to do the dishes. Cynthia’s an adult, she should just grow up and do the dishes.”
“Cynthia’s only mentioning this one part of the conversation. Dad didn’t only ask her ifthe reason she was cutting was to follow the trends of her college friends.”
“I doubt this even happened, but if it did, mom didn’t ORDER Cynthia to not tell her counselor she was self-harming…she just suggested it. Besides, that makes no sense.Why would she be in counseling and not tell her counselor she was self-harming? Cynthia totally is contradicting herself.”
“Mom and dad used to think spanking was a really good thing like ten years ago, but they don’t do that anymore.”
“Mom blew it that one time and threw silverware at me, but that’s just what moms do when their kid doesn’t do the dishes, right?”
“Remember, mom was in the middle of a miscarriage. She was having a hard time. We have to cut her some slack.”
“She was so sorry, and you’ve forgiven her, so it doesn’t matter anymore.”

These statements do NOT justify what happened to Cynthia. In fact, if you read her blogpost and then listen to the additional information explained in the podcast, the abuse becomes even more evident. If you have any doubts about what’s been paraphrased here, I encourage you to go listen for yourself. I’ve also transcribed the entire podcast, which you can read here.

2) Brainwashing

Brainwashed Children Don’t Know They Are Being Abused.

Cynthia’s first post claimed three main things. Physical abuse—abuse her siblings did not deny happened, and instead trivialized by normalizing it or saying it was forgiven; psychological abuse—which her siblings responded to by doubting; and emotional abuse—which her siblings made fun of.

Before I go on, I want to make it clear that I relate closely to Cynthia, as I grew up in a family that was—not physically, but—psychologically, spiritually and emotionally abusive. I therefore feel that I understand where she is coming from.

From growing up with such abuse, I also know that the most confusing part of it can be that you don’t know you are being abused. If you grew up in a successfully abusive family, you would’ve been taught from the earliest age possible that your life as a victim was normal. To you, the world outside was a dark, scary place that wanted you to be miserable…unlike in the house where you lived, in the loving arms of your abusers: Your Christian homeschooling parents, who tell you they love Jesus more than anything else.

When you do something wrong or that makes your family look bad…that is your fault. When you don’t want to obey your parents because it hurts…that is your sinful spirit, which must be broken. You suffer from guilt and shame and the constant, crippling fear of inadequacy.

The reason why most children who are being abused don’t realize it is because they have been brainwashed. I know I was. In fact, I am out of school, and it was only last year that I began to realize my parents hurt me a lot more than the world has, or can. This is because, as an independent adult, I choose who hurts me by choosing how I live my life; but under my parents’ authority, I had no control over what I could do, say, or believe. I was not only withheld from being myself, but I was pushed into a mold that I was not designed to fit in.

Siblings Are Willing to Stand By Their Parents Even When Their Siblings “Rebel.”

Cynthia, Lydia and their two older sisters all agree that they have been abused, and yet the younger siblings make no such claims. Likewise, my older brother, Ryan, and I know that we have been abused as children. But our two younger brothers? They angrily have been pitted against us, believing we’ve rebelled against our parents.

In the comments of one of Cynthia’s blog posts, her younger brother, Micah, blatantly denies any abuse. Jumping on top of this, people immediately asserted that he was only brainwashed. In Micah’s defense, someone realistically pointed out that he was far too sharp to be brainwashed. And I have to agree. At the age of seventeen, it would be difficult to brainwash anyone. But…what if it had started at the age of two?

I don’t think a genius could stand a chance.

The brainwashed are simply people whose worlds have been painted inaccurately, in a way that causes them to function on someone else’s terms. It’s harmful for our independence to be denied for the same reasons that the American Revolution is considered just.

Seeing Micah repeatedly insist that his sister was the one to blame reminded me of myself years ago.

My older brother, Ryan, as a legal adult, had gotten into a relationship against our parents’ wishes. This was the situation that I firmly believe God used to get him out of my family’s abusive home. But in the wake of the moment, and for the next two years, our family was in shambles “because of his mistake.” It broke my mother’s heart, it pissed my dad off to the point of swearing in front of me for the first time in my life, and I and my younger brothers became very bitter at him—all because we believed he was sinning by dating instead of courting. I have many memories of talking with people who disagreed with me about Ryan’s situation, but I held fast, and never for a moment did I question whether my parents were right or not. That’s just how powerful brainwashing can be.

Perhaps this explains why Cynthia’s younger siblings are all standing with their parents—they simply do not yet have the unveiled eyes to see the truth.

Parents Can Be Brainwashed Too.

I am not here to proclaim that Mr. and Mrs. Jeub are evil, although I definitely feel that what they’re doing is not right. Instead, I sincerely believe that parents can be brainwashed too. Brainwashed to believe that what they’re doing is best for their kids. Brainwashed like mine were to believe that the man who tells them what is right is representing God. Brainwashed families quite often aren’t self-invented. Sometimes they’re hoodwinked by their leaders. This doesn’t justify anything abusers do—but it’s helped alleviate my perspective toward my parents, and people like them. Therefore I don’t look upon the Jeubs as monsters; instead, I see them as terribly, tragically misled people who—for the sake of their children—must be corrected.

3) Similar Testimonies

Cynthia’s story sounds like a plethora of others posted on Homeschoolers Anonymous, a blog dedicated to telling the stories of homeschool alumni who hope others can learn from their negative experiences. I have found the same behavioral patterns in her story that are evident in many preceding hers, and they all point to the same tragic idea: the misled continue to mislead others. Maybe it’s believing that God teaches them to beat the wickedness out of their children; perhaps it’s the simple idea that obedience trumps all else, regardless of the expense. There are many different patterns of abuse each with its own unique effects, but in every situation regarding parental abuse the children pay the consequences—often long after they’ve left childhood behind.

Cynthia’s story is one of many—too many to turn a blind eye toward. I can’t just reason stories like hers away, like I did with Ryan. They are becoming too loud and too real for me to continue to justify.

4) Track Record

Cynthia is not the only Jeub to leave the nest with less than stellar relationships with her parents. She is one of four—the oldest four—to not only leave with different beliefs than her parents, but to be kicked out of the house for refusing to be controlled. I really wonder how Mr. and Mrs. Jeub can fall asleep at night without wondering what they did wrong. Really, how can you parent and watch as 100% of the children who move out leave as disowned rebels without questioning your tactics?

Cynthia’s parents and siblings claim that Cynthia is mentally ill. I don’t argue that struggling with self-harm and suicidal thoughts is the epitome of emotional stability. Having struggled with self-harm and suicidal thoughts myself, though, I quote my counselor when I say that “emotions serve as an internal thermometer; so when our emotions tell us death is the best option, we know something is terribly wrong.”

But not wrong with us.

When people want to die, they’re not crazy—they’re being seriously oppressed. When I wanted to die, it wasn’t because I was losing it. I have never been diagnosed by anyone but my parents with madness; instead, what I have been told, and what I have grown to believe, is that the way my parents were treating me was threatening my mental well-being.

Suppose with me for a minute that Cynthia was mentally ill once (loosely defined according to whatever extent you may believe it); and by the way, she says she’s gone to therapy since moving out. Now ask yourself why she might be mentally ill. After all, there is no effect without cause. Perhaps she was in an unhealthy, abusive environment. Perhaps she was so oppressed that her only coping mechanism turned out to be the dream of a better reality, which—in her sheltered world—turned out to be none at all.

I don’t know this for sure.

But here is what I do know.

Cynthia’s track record is the same as her three other sisters. Interesting that her family is claiming that only Cynthia is mentally ill… And yet all three sisters support her words. All four sisters claim the same growing up experience. Clearly, we have few choices to be choosy with. Either:

These sisters are telling the truth, or
All four of them happen to be insane.

I believe each of these reasons stand alone as evidence that Cynthia is simply sharing her heart. I can’t blame her—her siblings are still living in the abusive conditions she’s clearly spent so much time recovering from. Besides, the whole idea behind blogging is to share opinions and experiences. The people who condemn Cynthia for sharing her story should likewise be condemned for telling her how they feel about it.

I, for one, think Cynthia is doing a really brave thing by sharing the truth. I hope that her story will someday feel worth the pain living through it has caused her. I hope she inspires people to be courageous and honest, as she has inspired me. I hope she educates people about the reality behind Christian homeschooling. And dear God, I really hope she helps her siblings.

#HoldThemAccountable: Eric Novak’s Appeal to Christian Homeschoolers

October 9, 2014May 11, 2020HA Editorial Team2 Comments

By R.L. Stollar, HA Community Coordinator

Eric Novak, a former employee of Paul and Gena Suarez’s company The Old Schoolhouse, recently went public with concerns over an alleged abuse cover-up within the Christian homeschooling world. He has now released a video entitled, “Why I’m Speaking Out About The Old Schoolhouse Cover-Up,” where he explains his motivations.

“A lot of people have asked why I’m doing this,” Novak says in the video. He contends that while he loves homeschooling and that Christian and homeschool communities “don’t need help looking good,” “what we do need is people who are willing to actually expose abuse and people who are willing to stand up for what’s right.”

You can watch his video below:

Novak also wrote a blog post highlighting specific action steps people can take to help bring awareness to the situation, including using the hashtag #HoldThemAccountable on social media channels.

Hurts Me More Than You: Kendra’s Story

October 9, 2014May 11, 2020HA Editorial Team3 Comments

*****

Trigger warning for Hurts Me More Than You series: posts in this series may include detailed descriptions of corporal punishment and physical abuse and violence towards children.

*****

Kendra’s Story

My first memory is of being spanked.

For real, I can remember my parents lining my older brothers up for one at a time spankings and then debating whether or not I was old enough be spanked as well. They finally decided that yes I was and I was subsequently lifted me out of my crib (yes, my crib) and spanked me with a leather belt. I remember crying so hard I couldn’t breathe, and then being told that if I didn’t quit I would be spanked again.

To be honest that is one of the better memories I have of “spankings.” In our house any object could be used for discipline, a particular favorite one was the wooden spoon, but my mother broke so many of those on us that she had to upgrade to a thick soup spoon. She also broke several of those on us. For a while she kept a horse whip in the house and pulled it out for behaviours she considered particularly offensive.

The spankings usually came from my mother and usually had a predictable pattern.

1. Something would enrage her, I’m not talking normal parental upset or disappointment. I’m talking 0 to 60 in .2 seconds rage. There was never any rhyme or reason to her anger. It could be something as small as the dishes not being done, even if we hadn’t been told to do them.

2. She would begin the search for something to spank us with, anything at all, a wooden spoon, a belt, a fly swatter.

3. If something wasn’t immediately available she would throw things at us in the interim, once again anything would do, erasers, tape dispenser, kitchen implements, newspapers etc.

4. Once she located something she would spank random areas of your body until her anger subsided.

We lived in a constant state of fear, never knowing what was going to set her anger off. These beatings persisted into adult hood and only stopped when she finally passed away.

One particular instance I can recall she was sleeping in a recliner, snoring for about an hour with the radio blaring in the background. My older brother decided to turn the radio beside her off and she woke up in a rage. She threw the radio at him, then ripped the electric cord of the back and began to beat him with it. That instance stuck out in my mind because by then he was old enough to fight back and I very nearly called the police to stop the ensuing brawl. I wish now that I had called them. I also wish that I would have fought back when I became old enough, but I was too brain washed by the “good girl” image of femininity and submissiveness propagated at our local cult/church.

I remember another particularly brutal beating that my other brother received. He hadn’t paid enough attention during the two hour devotional that was forced on us that morning. When my mother reported this to my father he was taken to my parents’ bedroom and my father produced a belt and my mother produced her famous wooden soup spoon. The sounds that came from that room were atrocious, I walked down the hall and cracked the door open to see what was happening, he was sitting in the middle of their queen sized bed curled up in a ball crying with a parent and a discipline instrument on either side. I was told to “get out or I’d be next.” About fifteen minutes later my father emerged for water, he looked at me (about age 9) and asked “Does he really deserve this?” I was too scared to even talk to either parent so I shrugged my shoulders and made myself scarce.

For years I felt guilty because I hadn’t said “no, nobody deserves this.”

Until one day I realized that I was right, Nobody deserves this. No child deserves both his parents ganging up on him with a belt and a wooden soup spoon, and no nine year old child should be made responsible for such a beating, and no father should have to use his nine year old daughter’s opinion for a moral compass. No, nobody ever, ever, ever deserves that.

In the nineteen years that I lived with this behavior I was beaten with more things than I could ever name, including a metal dog leash and an iron rod and a horse whip. I can remember wearing thick black stockings to church to hide the bruises, I can remember hearing my parents say “I love you” and silently choking back sobs because there was no way I could ever believe them.

I was in my mid-twenties before I ever realized that my parents had physically abused me. I was spoon fed Focus on the Family episodes and the Pearls’ teachings on how parents who love their children beat them. As a child I looked with pity on children who were “spoiled brats” because they had thoughts and opinions all of their own and who “just needed a good spanking.” In fact I was married and telling my husband a story from my childhood when he pointed out to me that the story I was telling depicted abuse.

The funny thing is, I don’t really remember misbehaving as a child. I’m sure I was not perfect, but I was polite, respectful, and hard working. I virtually home schooled myself while simultaneously doing the bulk of the cooking, the laundry, the cleaning, volunteering in our church and over achieving at whatever extracurricular activity my parents chose for me. To some extent their abuse worked in that I was a “good girl,” the model daughter in fact.

I often wonder how my life would have been different if I would have gone to school.

Would someone have noticed the bruises? Would someone have told me the definition of abuse? Would I have had a friend to confide in? I remember at about the age of fifteen wanting to run away, but I couldn’t. I had no friends outside of our church/cult and no money to support myself with. Maybe the abuse would have stopped at fifteen.

As an adult my father frequently tries to guilt trip me into stopping by and calling more often, but I don’t think I ever will. Even though the bulk of the lashings came from my mother there were definitely some inappropriate episodes of discipline from him too. I still can’t believe that any loving parent would stand by and allow their child to be treated like that, even one time, let alone systematically. The only conclusion that a reasonable person can draw is plain and simple, they didn’t love me, they never will, for all practical purposes I consider myself an orphan.

As an adult I’m scared to turn into the monster that my mother was.

But mainly I’m just angry, angry that the people who were supposed to love me beat me and treated me like a slave, angry that anyone would treat any child in that way. I want to go spit on my mother’s grave; I want to stand over her wielding an iron rod and screaming in her face. I’m tempted to self-destroy my life just to show my parents how badly the messed up raising me (Although that would be pointless because my brothers are doing that for me.) I struggle with relationships, I reached my late twenties before I ever asserted myself, and I’m scared of conflict, scared of authority, scared of everything. I struggle with depression and guilt and anxiety, and occasionally have suicidal thoughts.

But at least I’m not a spoiled brat, right? At least I was a “good girl.”

Why Mom Never Told Us: Cynthia Jeub’s Story, Part Four

October 9, 2014May 13, 2020HA Editorial Team13 Comments

HA note: The following is reprinted with permission from Cynthia Jeub’s blog CynthiaJeub.com. It was originally published on October 8, 2014.

< Part Three

Trigger warning: physical abuse, self-harm

“We are thrown away in the house you made of every stolen moment.
Don’t pretend, I know how this ends, and who you are in secret.” –Blue Stahli

When I read Libby Anne’s article, “Then why didn’t you tell us that, mom?” it resonated with me. My parents had been doing the exact same thing with me for years.

“I want you to know that I never believed everything in Created to be His Help Meet.” My mom told me recently, after having taught Bible studies from it for years.

I was 18, and in my super-senior year of high school for another season of debate. Throughout my teens, I wasn’t allowed to read the Harry Potter books. I was okay with that, though, because I knew why. I argued with everybody because I’d done my research: Harry Potter had real spells in it and kids had gotten into witchcraft because it made devil worship attractive.

One of my friends said I should read the books for myself. I thought that was a reasonable request, so I went to my parents for permission. I was careful in presenting my case: I was just going to read the series critically, so I could tell my friends that I’d read them when I had arguments.

When I’d finished, my dad said, “Harry Potter was never not allowed.”

I replied, “Oh. I thought it was.”

My parents were both offended. “We would never be so controlling as SOME parents!”

I felt guilty for assuming, so I quickly apologized for my oversight. My parents were forgiving, and I went on to read and enjoy the series of children’s books, and my mom and siblings also read and enjoyed Harry Potter. It wasn’t a set of instruction books for devil worship; it was an intriguing, well-written, and powerful story.

The problem is, I remember the books being prohibited. My older sister read the first Harry Potter book in the early 2000s, and my mom read an article talking about how evil they were. She proceeded to tell us countless stories of people who’d gotten into the occult through Harry Potter. We had friends who hosted book burnings at their churches for anyone who, as my mom put it, wanted to repent of their sin: reading Harry Potter.

It would take me a few more years to realize that my parents made a habit of denying any unfavorable memories I had of them. They also denied anything that made them look uncool by the standards of whatever crowd they wanted to blend with.

I have a good memory. I was only four when Michael and Debi Pearl stayed at our house, but I remember what changed.

The Pearls were treated like royalty. My mom was pregnant with her fifth child, and all the kids believed, because our parents taught us to, that the Pearls were magnificent people.

My older sister, perhaps ten at the time, was terribly afraid of hell. She told Debi that she wanted to make sure she was saved, and Debi prayed the sinner’s prayer with her to make sure.

When my parents found out, they did two things: they forced my ten-year-old sister to write an apology letter to the Pearls, saying she’d lied about her salvation.

Then they started beating her with a belt every day, no matter what she did. She got additional “spankings” if she did something wrong.

This physical punishment was never predictable. Sometimes she’d endure five swats, other times forty. Sometimes she was allowed to keep her pants on, other times she was not. I was also spanked, but not with a belt, and I could expect punishment for specific disobedience. It frightened me to see my big sister suffering, but I didn’t have the words to identify my own emotional reaction at the time.

If any of us had known what anxiety attacks and survivor’s guilt were, it might have partially explained why my sister jumped and lost her breath every time my parents called her name, and why I started self-harming at age four.

Five years ago, while my sister was living in another country, she tried to ask my parents why they beat her every day for some part of her childhood. They said it had never happened. She thought it was a problem with her own memory until I mentioned that I remembered it, too.

Abusers deny and minimize what they’ve done, and if they can’t deny it, they’re so sorry, and once you’ve expressed forgiveness, you can never bring it up again.

Because bringing it up again is keeping a record of wrongs. That’s not love, according to the Bible, and we’re all about love around here.

Only when I started researching patterns of abusive people, did I recognize this pattern in my parents. They didn’t give explanations at the time, because they could deny it later:

“Your sister was never physically abused.”

“You were always allowed to read whatever you wanted.”

“You’re not being fair to us when you say otherwise.”

So Libby Anne, about your post: “Then why didn’t you tell us that, mom?”

For a long time, I didn’t know why our moms never told us that things were different than we remembered them. I think it’s because they didn’t disagree with what we were taught. It’s easier to make your kids believe every new version of the narrative than to see the problem and change it.

Part Five >