To Break Down a Child

The Official Homeschoolers Anonymous “13:24” Giveaway!

HA Editorial Team7 Comments

Homeschoolers Anonymous is pleased to announce that we are teaming up with M Dolon Hickmon to give away free copies of his powerful new novel, 13:24.

10248919_240082649530314_175848700_nCalled “a strange and effective debut novel about the powerful dynamics of father-son relationships and the casual violence of amoral subcultures” by Kirkus Reviews, 13:24 is of particular relevance to those interested in how abuse can arise within and hide behind the Christian Homeschool Movement. You can read our review of the novel here and our interview with Hickmon here. (We also featured a post from Hickmon during our “To Break Down a Child” series, which you can view here.)

We are giving away a total of 10 books, 4 via Facebook, 3 via Twitter, and 3 via Pinterest. We are also giving away one “grand prize” package, consisting of a special print edition (with a unique cover and limited edition artwork) and a “Rehoboam” t-shirt.

You can enter the giveaway 3 ways (and you are welcome to enter in all 3 ways):

1. Facebook

To enter the Facebook giveaway, you must do two things:

a. “Like” our Facebook giveaway post here.

b. After liking our Facebook giveaway post here, leave a comment on the same post about why you’d like to read 13:24.

2. Twitter

To enter the Twitter giveaway, you must do one thing: Retweet our giveaway tweet here.

3. Pinterest

To enter the Pinterest giveaway, you must do one thing: Re-pin any one of our 13:24 pins: this one or this one.

If you enter all three of our giveaways, you will be eligible for the “grand prize” drawing as well.

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 Official rules are as follows:

1) You must be at least 18 years old to enter.

2) You must be a resident of the United States.

3) You are welcome to enter all 3 of the giveaways (Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest), HOWEVER…

4) You can win only one giveaway prize total.

5) Winners will be randomly selected from all entries.

6) To be eligible to win the “grand prize” package, you must enter all 3 of the giveaways.

The giveaway opens immediately and will close this Friday, April 18, at 12 pm PST. Winners will be announced via Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest shortly thereafter.

Legal disclaimer: This giveaway is coordinated by Homeschoolers Anonymous and M Dolon Hickmon. Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest neither endorse nor are sponsoring the promotion. No purchase is necessary to participate in this giveaway. All promotional material and images from 13:24 are shared with permission by Rehoboam Press. Homeschoolers Anonymous is receiving no compensation for promoting 13:24. If you lack access to Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest and would like to nonetheless participate in the giveaway, please email us at homeschoolersanonymous@gmail.com for entry.

The Survivor

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HA note: The following is reprinted with permission from Faith Beauchemin’s blog Roses and Revolutionaries. It was originally published on September 21, 2013.

It’s no secret that my life has been a little weird.

I’ve been trying to deal with my bizarre past in the last few months.  The process still feels like probing a wound, and I’m trying to figure out right now if I can afford the therapy I know I need.

Some weeks are fine.  This past week was most definitely not.  Homeschoolers Anonymous was running a series on child discipline, which was good and necessary and appropriately headed by trigger warnings.  I read the stories, I couldn’t stop reading them, and they brought back some of the most traumatic memories of my childhood.  Memories I had repressed.  An onslaught of things I hadn’t really thought about in years.

I would be physically shaking by the end of each story, and yet I had to read more, to try and process the fact that yes, I had been abused as a child.

Just when you think you have a handle on your life, and then it spins completely out of control and you’re dumped into a jungle of memories and problems without a clue where to begin looking for a way out.  That’s one of the reasons I’m looking for a therapist, because hopefully she’ll at least have a compass.

I tried to go out last night with my friends.  I said I was out of money so I couldn’t drink at the bars, which was true, but I turned down a free shot too, because the truth is, as badly as I wanted to block out this past week, I didn’t trust myself to.  I was already being super weird and swinging like a pendulum between talking about myself too much and being weirdly quiet.

If I got drunk, I’m pretty sure I would have started babbling about what was actually bothering me, and “Hey guess what I just realized I was physically, emotionally, and psychologically abused as a child by loving, well-meaning parents” isn’t exactly acceptable party talk.

So I went home early, leaving without saying good-bye, walking alone several blocks to my truck and driving home stone-cold sober.  I got home, tried to start writing about the memories I’d been rehashing this week, and was so upset I just curled up in a blanket and stared at the wall until I fell asleep.

That scared me, when I woke up this morning.  Is my grip on a normal life really that fragile?  I got up and started my day, but when I was flat on my back during my yoga routine, I remembered the thought that has gotten me through other difficult situations:

You are you.

I’m still me.  I am the same person I have always been.  Yes I’ve grown and learned and developed as a person through things I’ve done and things I’ve experienced and things that have been done to me.  But I’m still me.  That used to be a horrifying thought, back when I hated myself and believed that my natural self uninfluenced by God was purely evil.  But I’ve learned to love myself and so now that thought’s a comfort.

I am strong and I am a survivor.

If I could handle everything that has happened to me, I sure as hell can handle dealing with what those memories mean to me now. 

My will, my personality, my spirit was never fully broken.  I’m the same person who faced down near-daily spankings and dealt with it partly by creating imaginary adventures about escaping dungeons and forced servitude and unreasonable authority figures.  I’m the same person who was unbearably weird and unbelievably unsocialized and managed to purposefully, intentionally, painfully catch up on most of that missed socialization (though I’ll be the first to admit I’m still pretty weird).  By now I have done and lived through enough that I look back at points in my life and can say, “Yeah, I did that.  Yeah, I survived that.”

Whatever happens, I will always be me.

Hopefully I’ll continue to strive upward and continue to turn into improved versions of me.  One of the ways I can do that is by dealing with shit from the past, with help of course.  But there’s that core, that consciousness, that continuous self, and somehow that knowledge gives me the courage to move forward.

To Break Down a Child: A Call for Stories about Pearl-Style Discipline

HA Editorial Team18 Comments

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To Break Down a Child: A Call for Stories about Pearl-Style Discipline

By Shaney Lee, HARO Board Member

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Hana Williams.

Sean Paddock.

Lydia Schatz.

What do these three children have in common? All of their deaths were linked to the abusive teachings of Michael and Debi Pearl in their book To Train Up A Child.

If you weren’t homeschooled growing up, it’s possible, even probable, that you’ve never heard the names Michael and Debi Pearl before. Their success with their publishing efforts are largely due to word-of-mouth through fundamentalist Christian churches and homeschooling communities.

It is estimated that over 670,000 copies of To Train Up A Child are in circulation. That’s at least 670,000 too many. Much of that word of mouth has largely been enabled through homeschooling communities. Their books have been prominently featured in the homeschool editions of Christian Book Distributor’s catalogues, been recommended on homeschooling forums, and handed from parent to parent at homeschooling conventions (not to mention sold in some of the booths).

The Pearls don’t just advocate spanking as a method of child discipline. They advocate a method of discipline that puts the child’s will in direct defiance of God’s will and of the parents’ will, that makes the breaking of a child’s will the ultimate goal of child discipline, and that puts parents in a position to believe that if they are not 100% successful in their discipline, they risk their child’s very soul.

And yet, when these teachings are linked to the death of multiple children, there are thousands who speak up in defense of the Pearls’ teachings.

Enough is enough.

It is time for those of us familiar with the teachings of Michael and Debi Pearl to speak up and speak against these abusive methods. It’s time to show that the damage of the Pearls’ method goes beyond just a few parents who got out of control. It’s time to show that it’s justifiable for the Pearls’ teachings to be linked to these horrible outcomes.

If you were raised with the Pearls’ methods, it’s your time to speak. If you’ve read the Pearls’ books and are against what they teach, it’s your time to speak. If you are a parent who previously used the Pearls’ methods, it’s your time to speak.

Even if you’re not normally a fan of what Homeschoolers Anonymous does, I ask you to join us for this series.

Because this issue is bigger than any disagreements we might have about homeschooling. It’s about preventing another Lydia, or Hana, or Sean.

This is not about whether spanking is a legitimate form of discipline (that’s a whole ‘nother discussion in and of itself!). This is about taking a public stand against a method of teaching that is extremely harmful towards children. Any system of childrearing that views children as rebellious little souls whose wills needs to be broken — rather than as small humans who are learning to live and thrive in the world — dehumanizes children and will always be harmful in the end.

Hana, Sean, and Lydia can’t speak up for themselves. It’s up to us to do it for them, to stand up for children who still have a chance. While it is the homeschooling community that has largely enabled the Pearls, I strongly believe it is the homeschooling community that is most equipped to fight against their abusive teaching.

So let’s stand up for our children. They deserve better.

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To contribute your story or thoughts:

As always, you can contribute anonymously or publicly.

If you interested in participating in this, please email us at homeschoolersanonymous@gmail.com.

The deadline for submission is September 15, 2013.